By Zhongxin
In June 2016, the weather was hot. After a busy day outside, she went home in the evening and went straight to the bathroom to take a shower. Unexpectedly, she found that her left breast had a soybean-sized lump which didn’t hurt when she applied pressure. Zhongxin thought it was inflammation caused by the internal heat, and that she would be fine after she took anti-inflammatory medicine.
However, misfortune quietly struck …
That day, the wind outside the window blew strong and hard, sweeping debris on the ground into a whirlwind like the precursor to the storm. As Zhongxin was preparing to change her clothes, she subconsciously checked her left breast. She unexpectedly discovered that the hard lump had become bigger and was accompanied by needle-like pain. She suddenly panicked, “I’ve taken so many medicines, why haven’t they worked? The lump hasn’t shrunk, it has actually grown, and recently, I’ve been sweating at night and felt weak and exhausted. What’s going on?” When Zhongxin’s husband learned about it, he rushed her to the hospital for examination.
When the doctor understood Zhongxin’s condition, he said, surprised, “You knew you had this condition long ago, so why didn’t you get it checked right away?” Zhongxin said anxiously, “I didn’t know if I was really sick, so I wanted to try medicine first …” The doctor took Zhongxin to get pictures taken, and once they were, Zhongxin went to the chair outside the door and sat down, while her husband spoke with the doctor inside. After a long while, he still hadn’t come out. In the chair, Zhongxin felt as though she was sitting on pins and needles, and she couldn’t calm her heart. She suspected that her condition must be very serious, otherwise her husband wouldn’t be in the room for so long. She couldn’t help but sigh and think, “If it’s really untreatable, what should I do? Our family doesn’t have any money …” At this moment, Zhongxin remembered that she was a Christian, and she still had God to rely on. So she cried out to God in her heart to express her desire to rely on God to face these circumstances. After praying, Zhongxin felt that God would support her, and gradually, the panic in her heart subsided.
So, she pushed the door open and asked the doctor, “What disease do I have? Please tell me directly.” When she saw the doctor hesitate, Zhongxin said calmly, “Don’t worry, tell me, I can handle it.” The doctor thought for a moment, then finally said straightforwardly, “You have invasive breast cancer, and it is already middle-late stage.” The word “cancer” instantly chilled Zhongxin’s heart. For a long while she said nothing as she asked in her mind, “How could this be possible? I’m only in my 30’s. How could I have this disease? …” She couldn’t accept that this was real, and she felt very tormented and helpless.
In this moment she thought about how in the word of God it says: “Almighty God, the Head of all things, wields His kingly power from His throne. He rules over the universe and all things, and He is in the act of guiding us on the whole earth. We shall at every moment be close to Him, and come before Him in quietness, never missing a single moment, and with lessons for us to learn at all times. Everything, from the surrounding environment to people, affairs, and things, all exist by permission of His throne. Do not on any account let grievances arise in your heart, or God will not bestow His grace upon you. When sickness befalls, this is God’s love, and surely His kind intentions are harbored within. Though your body may undergo a bit of suffering, entertain no ideas from Satan.” God’s words made Zhongxin realize that everything is in God’s hands, including her own life and death. The fact that this disease had come to her was allowed by God, so what she ought to do is seek to understand God’s will, rely on and look to God, and not blame or misunderstand God. Recognizing this made Zhongxin feel much calmer and less tormented.
Because the lumps in her breast were too large, chemotherapy was required before surgery could be performed. During her chemotherapy treatment, Zhongxin often heard other patients describing the pain of the chemotherapy process. Some experienced so much pain they cried, others couldn’t finish their course of treatment because the torment was too much, and still others didn’t survive the treatment, the cancer cells spread, and they died. When she heard these things, Zhongxin couldn’t help but worry. She was already very small and thin, and if treatment was truly as it was described to her by the other patients, could she survive it? Zhongxin’s heart was filled with worry and fear.
But as worry and fear gripped her, she remembered Job’s experience. Job’s wealth was stripped from him, his children were taken from him, and he was covered in boils, but in the midst of his painful trial, Job did not blame God. He still had faith in God and praised God’s name. She also remembered God’s command to Satan when Satan wanted to tempt Job. God said, “Behold, all that he has is in your power; only on himself put not forth your hand” (Job 1:12). God commanded Satan not to harm Job’s life, and Satan did not dare disobey God’s command, from which she saw that human life is in God’s hands and that God presides over all things. Zhongxin thought, “My life was given to me by God and is also in God’s hands, and it is up to God whether I live or die. In these circumstances, I should follow Job’s example. No matter what kind of pain I might face, I must have faith in God and cannot blame God.” The thought alleviated much of Zhongxin’s fear.
The hospital was hardly a quiet place in the morning. Many people were lined up early to register, and the nurses were busy dispensing medicine at their station. At 8 o’clock, it was time for Zhongxin’s chemotherapy injection. After the medicine to inhibit cancer cells growth entered her body, Zhongxin gradually started to become uncomfortable, sore, and swollen, and her head hurt unbearably. After the injection, Zhongxin felt as if pins were pricking her all over, she was unable to fall asleep, and she lacked the energy to move. In her pain, she thought, “If this is just the beginning, I can’t bear this kind of torture. There are still seven more treatments to go. What should I do?” The pain of the experience made her feel that even death would be preferable. Zhongxin could only pray in her heart, “God, I really can’t overcome the pain of chemotherapy. I’ve even had the thought that I want to die. God, I ask for Your help. Give me confidence and guide me to overcome the pain of suffering. I wish to rely on and look to You …” Thanks to God’s mercy, not long after she prayed, Zhongxin fell asleep and felt no pain. Afterward, before and after each chemotherapy, Zhong Xin couldn’t help but pray to God, and by doing so, she was not only able to complete her chemotherapy treatment, but actually completed her eight chemotherapy courses in advance.
One day in April of 2017, while there was still a chill in the air, the doctor explained pre-operation procedures to her and got her signature on the confirmation papers. After coming out of the doctor’s office, Zhongxin couldn’t help but be a little nervous and frightened. After all, this was her first time undergoing such a big operation, and she didn’t know what the outcome would be. In addition, the doctor said that when the cancer tissue was removed, there was a possibility that some cells would remain in her, which could easily begin growing once they took root in another part of her body, which made her more afraid. As she waited for the operation to begin, she was flustered and restless. At this critical juncture, she quickly prayed to God, “God, I will have my operation in half an hour, and I am still frightened and nervous. God, I ask You to keep my heart calm.” After praying, she thought about God’s word where it says: “Faith is like a single log bridge: Those who cling abjectly to life will have difficulty in crossing it, but those who are ready to sacrifice themselves can pass over, sure of foot and worry-free. If man harbors timid and fearful thoughts, it is because Satan has fooled them, afraid that we will cross the bridge of faith to enter into God.”
God’s words made Zhongxin understand that she felt these fears and anxieties because her faith in God was still too small, that she still lived in a state of being toyed with by Satan and had not fully entrusted herself to God. She knew that what she ought to do now was calm her heart and entrust her surgery into God’s hands, because whether or not it succeeded, she believed that God had made proper arrangements. So, Zhongxin prayed to God and said, “God, my life is in Your hands, You are my support. I ask for faith and to rely on You to experience these circumstances.” After she prayed, Zhongxin’s heart gradually calmed. Shortly, the medical staff told Zhongxin to go to the operating room. As Zhongxin was lying on the operating table, she was extremely calm, and she was no longer nervous and afraid. After she was given the anesthetic, she gradually lost consciousness. When she woke up, it was already past 6 o’clock in the evening.
Zhongxin’s surgery had been successful and complication-free. Of the 16 lymph nodes removed, 15 were good, only one spread. The attending physician said there was no serious problem, and with a course of radiotherapy, the condition could be controlled. In August, after completing the radiotherapy, Zhongxin finally finished this long period of treatment. She was very happy and excited, and felt the joy of being given a new chance at life.
Bit by bit, Zhongxin recalled her experiences in the past. She truly saw that God presides over everything, and people’s life and death are in God’s hands. As she was helpless in the face of cancer, God’s words gave her an endless source of power, guided her out of her pain and negativity, and led her to defeat her cancer. After experiencing such circumstances, Zhongxin’s faith and love for God had increased, and Zhongxin also believed from the depths of her heart that no matter what kind of circumstances come, they contain God’s good intentions, and exist to help us mature in our spiritual lives. Only by believing in and obeying God’s arrangements and seeking the truth can we see the works of God, and thereby feel our faith in God and understanding of God constantly increasing.
On a new day, the sun rose from the east, the warm sunshine shined on Zhongxin’s face, and she looked at herself in the mirror with a smile. With hair again growing on her head, Zhongxin said to herself, “I want to start my life anew and do my best to repay God’s love!”